Writing To Reach You
by fictionalheart
Summary: One-shot. Katherine Beckett is Richard Castle's inspiration, in literature and in life. Beware: Refers to a spoiler for an upcoming episode.


_Author's Note:_

_I was listening to Travis' "Writing to Reach You" (which is an incredible song) the other night when I was inspired to write this piece. I've been working on it for the last three days, and I think I'm finally satisfied with the outcome. _

_As a nineteen year old girl, writing from Castle's point of view was much more difficult than writing Kate in my other story. I, therefore, hope this is somewhat convincing as Castle. _

_I admit that I may have over dramatized, but eh, I like to believe that as an author, he would be dramatic in his feelings. Plus, I honestly do get the impression that his feelings for Kate run quite deep. _

_This is not related to my other story__. I am still working on "The Wind," though I do not yet know if I will be able to update in the next couple of days. _

_Anyway, enjoy!_

_Warning__: I refer to a spoiler for 2.17/2.18 ("Tick, Tick, Tick…" and "Boom!"), so if you prefer not to be spoiled, I would suggest not reading this._

Disclaimer: Neither _Castle_ nor "Writing to Reach You" belong to me.

* * *

_Because my inside is outside_

_My right side's on the left side_

_Because I'm writing to reach you now, but _

_I might never reach you_

_Only want to teach you_

_About you_

[…]

_And you know it's you I'm talking to. _

* * *

Richard Castle wrote because of Katherine Beckett.

He knew it, and his family knew it, but she was of yet oblivious to it. Everyone knew that he wrote Nikki Heat because of her, but they, and she, did not know that had she not entered into his world, Richard Castle would no longer be writing.

Up until he came to know Katherine Beckett, he had always had an overactive imagination that found inspiration in the simplest things, but he had never had a muse that held such power over him that he didn't know how he would be able to exert his talent without her.

In the last couple of years, he had watched his imagination wane and had lost the thrill he associated with writing. With it, he had lost touch with his most lucrative character. He had traveled extensively and had shadowed various specialists, all in hopes of reigniting the flame that kept his work alive. None of it helped, and he was forced to face the reality that lay in front of him. He was in a deep hole paved with writer's block and professional despair that he feared he would be unable to climb out of. Not knowing what else to do in order to save not only his career but to save _himself_ from sinking deeper towards a premature midlife crisis, Richard Castle did the only thing that seemed to make sense. He killed off Derek Storm and hoped that inspiration would strike at the thought of a new beginning.

Inspiration did not strike, at least not immediately. In the months following the demise of Derek Storm, Richard Castle sat in his office, moping, and staring at a blank screen. His fingers, splayed on the keyboard, remained motionless. His publishers pestered him incessantly as he continuously failed to produce a new manuscript, and he began to feel that neither the pressure nor the frustration would be worth it in the end.

Despite his efforts, he had plunged into the murky waters of depression.

The night he had celebrated the publication of his latest and final Derek Storm novel had been the night he had contemplated retiring from his profession. He told his fans Storm's time had come while he kept up the image of the notorious playboy, hoping his guests would not notice that his career was soon going to follow in the footsteps of his favorite protagonist.

He had almost made the decision to quit as he sat at the bar expressing his boredom to his wise-beyond-her-years daughter when he had turned around at the sound of his name. In physically turning around, in that instant, and coming face to face with a spellbinding detective, he had changed the direction of his life and career. For in that moment, Katherine Beckett had walked into his party and straight into his life.

In the brief time it took him to accompany her to the Twelfth Precinct and answer the questions pertaining to her case, Richard Castle was enchanted. Simply observing the powerful woman in front of him was like a breathe of fresh air.

From that evening on, Katherine Beckett never left his thoughts. She dwelled inside his mind, overwhelming his desires and captivating his curiosity. His subconscious insisted that he pursue her.

He exerted his influence and secured himself a spot as a consultant to the NYPD on the Ashley Tisdale case. When he failed to win her over in those first few days, Richard Castle further understood that Katherine Beckett was one of a kind and was all the more worth chasing. He was overcome with a determination the likes of which he had not known in years. He would succeed in cracking the enigma that had come into his life.

Going home following Harrison Tisdale's arrest, Castle realized that Detective Beckett had not simply mesmerized him but had developed into a muse that had a mind of her own. He found himself reaching for the laptop he had not so much as touched in weeks, and, before he knew it, his recently immobile fingers were flying across the keyboard. Possessed by his muse, he rediscovered the talent that defined him.

He was writing, and it was all because of her.

* * *

In the months that followed, Richard Castle spent most of his days shadowing Detective Beckett. He observed her, annoyed her, and slowly got to know her. In that time, he developed both the character of Nikki Heat and a deep reverence for his muse.

Considering the change she had brought to his life, Castle felt that he needed to bring her something in return. He had learned of her deepest sorrows, and knew that he could not rest until he brought her the closure she so deserved. Unaware of the eventual repercussions, he looked into her mother's murder.

With only one chapter to go on his novel, he decided to come clean to Katherine Beckett about the unforeseen discoveries he had made on the taboo case. He knew that he had gone behind her back, but he had hoped that his honesty would help her to understand that he had delved into the case without selfish motivation and allow her to forgive him. She did no such thing. Instead, she terminated their relationship.

As she consequently cut him out of her world, his own shattered around him.

He couldn't sleep. He couldn't smile. He couldn't write.

In those first few months, Katherine Beckett had become so much more than a muse for his writing. She had become the inspiration for his every day. Without her in his life, he not only lost the capacity to write, but he came close to losing himself.

* * *

The night Katherine Beckett forgave him was the night his muse reappeared and completed his novel. It was also the night he promised himself that he would never intentionally hurt Kate Beckett again. He had learned how unpleasant life was without her around in some way, and he knew that was not something he wanted to experience again.

* * *

Three months later, he was given the opportunity to write a series with a certain British agent as its protagonist. Castle had idolized the agent since his childhood and had been humbled by the offer. Yet, he had never seriously considered accepting the proposal. He pretended to do so, hoping that his impending departure would cause Beckett to ask him to stay. She hadn't done so verbally, but her body language had humbled him more than any book offer. Besides, not only did his vision of her blow a British agent out of the water, but he knew that he wasn't ready to write any character that was not inspired by her.

Richard Castle knew that he had to continue his Nikki Heat series in order to continue shadowing Kate Beckett. He knew very well that without spending time with his muse, he would be unable to write a single word. Thus, he managed to convince his publishers that the success of _Heat Wave_ would only increase over time if he were to turn into a series. To his luck, they agreed, and he officially received the offer as Kate Beckett thought they were saying their goodbyes. Despite the reluctance she had shown to bid him farewell, he almost expected her to protest his indefinite stay at the Precinct. He was, therefore, pleasantly surprised when she showed no more than a moment's objection and ushered him on to their next case and the next chapter of their alliance.

* * *

As his relationship with the detective shifted, and they went from bantering "colleagues" to flirtatious friends, Richard Castle felt his incentive to write change accordingly. In the time he had known Kate, Castle went from being unable to write, to being inspired, to fully being under the influence of his sleuthing muse. Now, he found that he no longer wrote only due to her influence. Instead, he found that he wrote _for_ her.

He had long ago gathered enough information to fill several books about his imaginary Detective. That certainly was no longer his motivation for continuing to shadow Kate Beckett. He remained at the precinct for an altogether different reason. He was unwilling to readapt to life away from her. He was afraid of what it would do to him, and he certainly felt no desire to experiment and find out. So, he continued his "research" in order to have an excuse to see her every day.

The last couple of months had been turbulent for his favorite detective. Her mother's murder had resurfaced, forcing her to come to terms with buried demons and with unforeseen realities. She had learned that her mother, who, while she was a powerful attorney in her time, led a relatively low profile life, had been murdered not at random but had been targeted. She had let all clues slip away as she shot the man who had executed the hit in order to save her shadow. She had picked Castle over her past, and he could tell that the thought rattled her. The thought had thrilled him, but he was in turn rattled by the guilt of the choice she had made on his behalf. So, he had offered to step away from her life. He didn't care if such a move would destroy his career or his wellbeing, for, except for Alexis, _her_ wellbeing meant more to him than anything else in his world.

As if that had not been enough, more tragedy struck the young detective some two months later. A deranged Nikki Heat fanatic had blurred the lines between fiction and reality, and, as Castle had made no effort to keep his inspiration for the fictional hero a secret, he transferred his fixation from Nikki Heat to Katherine Beckett. Unbeknownst to her, she had been followed for weeks before her stalker decided to take action. Angry that Kate had not noticed him, he kidnapped an FBI agent who had been working with them on a case to warn her, and, when that had failed, he went on to blow up Kate's apartment. Beckett's team managed to apprehend the man, but the damage he had left behind shook the detective. He had not known of Kate's whereabouts at the time of the explosion, and the prospect of her being at home had been one of the most terrifying thoughts he had ever encountered. The relief he had felt upon seeing her as he rushed into the Precinct has been indescribable, for he could no longer imagine a world, any world, without Kate Beckett.

The fact of the matter was that he had fallen in love with his muse. He had, quite obviously, been enthralled with her since the moment they met, but it was as he got to crack her shell and get to know the incredible woman that lay beneath her cool and composed exterior that he realized just what it was that set her apart from every other female he had come to know in his many years. She was intelligent, witty, beautiful inside and out, passionate, caring, and loyal. She was troubled, but instead of allowing her tragic past to transform her into a resentful and cynical creature, she turned her hurt into determination and channeled it into her work so that fewer individuals would experience the same pain she had. She was no longer as mysterious as she had been when he first met her, but she still managed to fascinate him every day as he constantly learned more about her. His muse, a personage considered by most to be mystical, was by far the most real woman in his world. His wellbeing depended on her like it had on no one before her because, all in all, Kate Beckett completed him.

Kate far from blamed Castle for all that had happened, but he was unable to shake the guilt. _He_ had been the one to resuscitate her mother's case. _He_ had been the one to create Nikki Heat. _He_ had been the one to draw attention to Kate. _He_ had done nothing to protect her identity. _He_, then, was partly responsible for the attempt on her life. The deeply disconcerting thought persuaded him that he was not yet worthy of her love and that, until he was, he would not attempt to change the status of their relationship.

Until then, he would continue to watch their friendship blossom. He would be there for her whenever she needed him. He would let her watch out for him when they went on investigations. He would make her laugh. She would let him pull on her pigtails. They would flirt. They would banter. They would be themselves, and being themselves was the only thing that would allow them to heal and move forward.

He knew that their time would come and that one day, possibly soon, they would be together. He knew by then that Kate was not only unlike any woman from his past, but that she would be the only woman in his future. Such a thought would have terrified him in the past and sent him running for the hills, but instead, it comforted him and made him that much more determined to wait until the time was right to pursue their relationship.

They said that men ought never to marry their muses because it ruined the illusion. This advice did nothing to intimidate him. He was well aware that he preferred his beloved detective to her inspirational counterpart. He could live without Nikki Heat, but he could not imagine living without Katherine Beckett.

While he waited, he would continue to write, turning his hopes and desires into his words. He would produce not only the next installment of the Nikki Heat series, but a much more private piece that he would one day present to his Kate. This later piece would be what, as he looked back upon his body of work, he would be the most proud. For in that piece, he told the story of his muse and of all she had brought to his life. In that piece, more than ever, he wrote for Katherine Beckett.

* * *

_A/N: _

_I. As to the spoiler, we only know that:_

_a) Kate has a Nikki Heat -obsessed stalker._

_b) Dana Delaney's character gets kidnapped._

_c) Kate's apartment is blown up._

_The rest is my interpretation of the matter._

_II. I would greatly appreciate it if you please reviewed. You don't have to be registered to do so! _


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